Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Let The Wind Blow
For a month or so now I have felt pretty in control of things. I have my chores done (including laundry) and crap is just falling into place. Then it started happening .... oldthat slide back into the rut. I noticed it this morning as I moped from the couch into the kitchen to make school lunches and realized i still hadn't got bologna.... *sigh* " just have hot lunch" I told them Hayden was super excited about that good news.... I wandered back to my bedroom and found my better half taking a shower (lucky guy ) I thought as I envied his peaceful ALONE self grooming time... we have a huge mirror on the wall close by so of coarse I saw myself and the truth stared me back in the face.. " I can tell I'm depressed , look at me, look at the shi# laying around, things are starting to get lax again." "it's not bad"husband answer so he wont have to hear me complain " eew, yes they are.. Look at my skin. I look like crap lately.. seriously wth.. (pulling at my cheek and leaning close to the mirror) I don't feel like doing anything cuz I don't feel that woo woo I'm awesome feeling." "yeah I don't feel like that much either."
I was frustrated as I pulled on my Awesome sweat pants and kick ass hot pink t shirt to go drive middle school carpool... they better not judge me ... I made it back safely and was set on making this day amount to something.. I text JT and told her I suck and we need to fix it, so off to her house I went.. Shes a good fixer..lol
While there I got a call from a friend and we all talked about Boy problems... and how the wind just gets taken out of Ur sail sometimes.. Seriously sometimes ya really do think maybe jumping in and swimming might be easier.. hahaha Well after a long day of back and forth friendship fluffing I realized something very, very important... as i lay next to my other half on our huge (I can't see you from way over here) bed. (after having a few touchy topics come up/ that didn't turn out so great) I realized... He must feel like he is paddling up stream all the time. He must look at our house and not see crap laying around but instead see huge payment he needs to come up with.Or watch me sulk out the door to drive carpool and see me drive away in his dreams of owning season tickets but have turned into a gas fund... he must lay back at night and just wish the wind would blow really hard so he could rest his arms for a bit...
I love my husband. He isn't perfect. He fights with me over really stupid crap . He does however, paddle our boat and makes sure we stay sailing......... lets all pray for wind.. lol